Last Saturday I attended the Minnesota State Fair (“The Great Minnesota Get-Together”). My past stories of the fair’s excess and bonhomie were enough to attract to the Twin Cities not only my wife (who then could also visit our daughter and future son-in-law) but also my niece and her boyfriend.
I’ve been 3 times now, and hope to hit double-digits before I die. My daughter who now lives up there has been to the fair 7 times. A friend in NYC who was raised in the Twins flies to the fair almost every year. She’s in her 60s.
It is THAT kind of experience. There’s something for everyone.
Are you an itinerary planner? Check that box.
Do you love exotic and/or experimental foods? Check.
Do you love doughnuts, beer, corn dogs or other important staples? Check.
Do you love midway rides? Check.
Do you love seeing the pride of people who work on crafts in the long winter, just for the possibility of winning a ribbon? Check.
Do you love lumberjack skills shows (like my wife, something I discovered as her nails dug into my knee during the chainsaw competition, giving me a new inferiority complex to deal with)? Check.
And do you love swimming in a sea of humanity, brought together by that ancient human need to cluster, mingle and hobnob? Even on a Saturday when the place is teeming with people walking around stuffing their faces and talking on their phones absently? People from the Amish to the Somali to the corn-fed 4-H kids? Check that box, Gordie.
For comparison, I’ve only been to 2 other state fairs. We visited the Illinois State Fair back in 1992 (I remember because it was an election year and people were carrying around empty shopping bags emblazoned with the faces of George Bush and Dan Quayle). My only memory from it occurred in the new products tent, where hucksters were pulling people in to try new miracle gizmos, sauces or financial deals. Very Harold Hill. One guy was selling an attachment for your vacuum hose with a spinning blade inside that would give you a haphazard trim. Suck your hair up into the vacuum hose and snip it off. One old woman with long stringy hair was cajoled into trying it. She had been through a lot in life, it was obvious, and this was just one more insult. But the haircut was free!
Sometime in that same era, my wife and I visited the Texas State Fair. It’s the only real competitor to the MSF, but it’s open a few weeks longer, so the attendance numbers are hard to compare. I remember their 50-foot-tall mascot, BIG TEX, who waved his arm and said something garbled that at one time clearly stated, “Howdy, folks.” (Big Tex has since gone into structural rehab.) At this fair, I was introduced to the walking taco, which was nice. But frankly, the place was too big, dusty and breaking down. Not unlike the state itself.
(We’ve also been to the half-state fair in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula at Escanaba. It was, well, underpopulated.)
But the MSF has ruined me for visiting any other state fair. The fairgrounds in St. Paul are tidy, the buildings are a beautiful white and yellow art deco style, and everything looks well thought-out. And the officials keep it up, because the MSF draws more than 1.9 million people into the state over 12 days. That brings a lot of cheese into the Twin Cities, figuratively and literally.
The biggest attraction of the MSF is, of course, the food. And while some of it is gigantic (and thus brings to mind an American Gargantua), the more interesting things to eat are innovations. Our breakfast was an explosion of flavors:
Food stands and restaurants that have been around for a while love to attack the imagination with such marvels as Deep-Fried Ranch Dressing:
Minneapolis’ amazing ethnic mix brings out cuisines like this Hmong innovation, Shrimp & Crab Toast on a Stick:
A new favorite BBQ stand, RC’s BBQ, offered a new Hawaiian-style pork dish that was tender and tasty, sweet and salty, called the Hula Kalua:
As well as the standby Hot Hen, with shredded smoked buffalo chicken, bleu cheese fondue, jalapenos, green onions, tomatoes, bleu cheese crumbles and chips. This was a 4-person dish:
There was only one of our crowd with a truly cast-iron stomach, and he had a go at the Uncrustaburger, which used deep-fried Uncrustable PBJs for a bun:
And to end the day, Soft Serve Royal Raspberry beer and a bucket of Sweet Martha’s Cookies.
While walking off all these calories, we marveled at the livestock large and small, the draft horse competition, the huge fish in the DNR pond, the old farm equipment, the Rescue Dog Stunt Show, the Miracle of Birth Center, and the beauteous Seed Art:
And row after row of meticulous crafts, farm products and homemade foods:
To go to the Minnesota State Fair every year would be excessive. That’s what it’s there for. That’s what I plan to do. It is the very, very best of the Midwest.
I wrote this early Wednesday, and then that happened.
THAT being the semi-regular story of some deluded soul opening fire on innocent schoolkids praying in church. This time it was in Minneapolis. Next time it will be at another innocent place. Down the street or around the corner from you, me or any of us.
Minnesota has had its share of violence and heartbreak in recent years. George Floyd and the riots after his murder. The murder of State Rep. Melissa Hortman and her husband, and the shooting of State Sen. John Hoffman and his wife the same night. And now these kids, along with a pair of 80-year-olds who were attending mass.
This will not diminish my love for Minnesota and the people I’ve met there. It just adds one more thing to the To-Do List, after we remove the fascists in power, repair what we can of the federal government, and figure out ways to stop people from being alienated and left out of the national dialog. And THEN maybe we can make baby steps toward gun control.
That is, if the ammosexuals can stop protecting themselves from “tyrannical government overreach” (where you been this year, guys? Still looking for you out there, as the government rounds up people just looking to earn a living!) and not get in the way.
