The whole Illinois Senate seat saga has caught my attention only meagerly. Should I care who will be my senator for the next 10-11 months? Not enough to get incensed about it. All the procedurals and arguments about special elections are pretty bloodless. The only thing that really catches my eye through all this is the human element.
The self-righteous stupidity and the ability to bluff yourself into an inescapable corner: Harry Reid.
The ego’s need to attach one more title to your name, regardless of how doing so will completely ruin what little respect your name already carried in Illinois: Roland Burris.
The evil genius supervillain’s skill at creating an insidious gas that will make the supposed good guys fight each other instead of him: Bleepin’ Blagojevich.
Unfortunately, nothing I’ve seen has been a surprise. It’s like telling me that another high draft choice for the Bears will crap out. Why bother to get to know the names? I agree with the Trib’s Eric Zorn that the choice of Burris is legal, and while people had a chance to change the law, they didn’t, so tough noogies. You can scream all you want about special elections or the corruption of the system or whatever. It’s moot as moot gets. Our new junior senator will be treated in Washington like he’s got head lice and will more than likely do as he’s told and choose not to run in 2010. Time to start thinking about that, and watching how that slate is chosen.
I’ve been waiting for the real comedy nugget in all this, and it looks like it came yesterday at the Chicago City Council (a comedic institution that outpaces even The Second City). In a stroke session that would tire and embarrass all but the most veteran porn stars, the City Council spent an hour praising Burris for his long record of public service, and making sure he knows who his friends really are. (For a radio report on this with excerpts, check out this link from WBEZ’s Ben Calhoun.) Ald. Dick Mell praised Burris: “You stood up against an onslaught that, a lot of our knees would have buckled. And you did it with dignity.”
Truer words were never spoken, except maybe when he toasted Blago and his daughter at their wedding reception.
My favorite quote from the stroke session came from Ald. Anthony Beale:
“We all know we got issues with the person [who] appointed him and that the process had been tainted, but when he chose Roland Burris, he untainted the process.”
I chose this because of my juvenile enjoyment of hearing the word “taint”. Taint taint taint taint. It’s a useful word, a friendly and flexible word, with at least three meanings that apply very clearly to Burris’ situation:
The colloquial: Taint as a contraction for “it ain’t”, as exemplified in the title “T’aint Necessarily So.” A passerby might see a full-fledged senator and statesman in Burris, but time will show t’aint the case.
The physical: that part of the male anatomy that “taint yer balls and taint yer ass.” With all the crotch-punching and ass-kissing that’s been going on through this, it’s fitting that we refer to the seat, the process and just about everyone involved as “tainted”.
The linguistic: If Ald. Beale had had his dictionary near him when he wrote his mash note to Burris, he would’ve discovered that “untainted” actually means “untarnished, free from blemishes.” That hasn’t been the case for a long long time.