Kansas, Land of Scientific Opportunity

Why is everyone getting so upset with the Kansas Board of Education for rewriting the definition of science? Can’t they see what a victory for democracy this is? Now it doesn’t matter what facts or evidence may indicate—if you get enough enlightened people to vote for your position, it becomes the standard of truth. I tell you, the sky’s the limit with this kind of attitude.

With this kind of ScienceDemocracy ™ , all our problems will be over. Just think of it:

The “Law” of Gravity—Picture a cute little American baby. Confident, curious, strong and true. This baby is intrigued by the open window in his 13th floor apartment. When no one is looking, the baby crawls up to the windowsill, totters for a moment, then falls out into open space.
A tragedy? Hardly, now that we can rewrite our definition of science to include divine intervention. Think of the millions of lives saved when our deliberative bodies invalidate this oppressive bit of demagoguery. Skydivers with faulty parachutes, airplane passengers on doomed flights, dizzy stiltwalkers, even potential suicides standing on building ledges—all saved through the power of democracy.
As an extra bonus, many overweight people would feel the pounds melt away overnight, as their mass is negated and they feel light and airy as a feather.

The “Laws” of Thermodynamics—Energy can be neither created nor destroyed? Balderdash! That just goes against the American can-do spirit!
As soon as we redefine science to include wishful thinking, we’ll never have to worry about energy again. The hell with Iraq—bring the soldiers home now, and let them loot the Bureau of Antiquities on the way out! Ditto for Saudi Arabia, Russia and Venezuela. For every tank of gas we burn, we can create two, three, ten—as many as we believe we can create!
Don’t worry, little caribou. We won’t come drilling up there in Alaska—we don’t need to, and it’s too damn cold besides!

Coulomb’s “Law” – “Force between any two charges is equal to the absolute value of the multiple of the charges divided by 4 pi times the vacuum permittivity times the distance squared between the two charges”? AS IF! In your face, Coulomb!!!

Time Travel—There are those who argue time travel is impossible because it violates the “laws” of thermodynamics, by creating energy in a place where there was none before. But right-thinking democracy is stronger than anything that tries to stand against it. Here we have an obvious case in point: with one vote last night, the state of Kansas whisked its students back a good 75 years. What’s to stop them from sending their kids back 200 years, or 500? Think of what we could learn about the Dark Ages by actually living it ourselves!

Science Democracy!
The Future of America!!