Be Thankful You Don’t Have One

Nickname, that is. I’ve noticed, and other people have commented, on the complete flaccidization (!) of nicknames among modern baseball players. Gone are the days of Double-Duty Radcliffe and The Iron Horse and Big Train and Dizzy Dean. Now, if the players give anyone a nickname at all, it’s more than likely just a syllable plucked out of his last name (Gar, Rad, Gooch) or, even worse, a Y added to the surname (Jonesy).

(The one exception in recent years with the White Sox was pitcher Takatsu Shingo, known affectionately as Mr. Zero. I don’t remember if anyone ever made the connection between Mr. Zero and Monster Zero, but…)

In such a world, one might say that The President’s habit of giving people nicknames might actually be an endearing quality. One might say that, until one reads the list of nicknames he has actually bestowed on people. Set down as a list, one can see the jackass frat boy coming through after all these decades. The funniest one, IMO, is his nickname for Ted Kennedy: Senator. The nickname that’s not a nickname.

“My name’s Forrest Gump. People call me…Forrest Gump.”

Thanks to Superfrankenstein.