It sure is great, in this time of wars that have no solution and weather patterns that can’t be lived with, to have a little good ol’ local corruption in the news. Nothing like a cartoonishly sticky-fingered alderman to make a newspaper entertaining again.
Chicago’s latest in a long line of indicted aldermen (is it 19 in the past 30 years, or 30 in the past 19? I get confused) is one Arenda Troutman, leader of the 20th Ward. She’s made the papers in recent years for her curious and unapologetic relationship with the gangs in her ward (when asked how envelopes from her office ended up seized in some police raids on gang HQs, she said they must have been pulled out of the recycling). Now she’s been caught in an FBI sting for accepting $5K to grease the wheels of a shopping center development in her ward. (For the latest installment, check out the Tribune here.)
Only, it really wasn’t in her ward. The FBI, those stalwart defenders of our national security, placed the fictitious shopping center in the ward next door. (Let’s hope the new Congress can help them pay for some new maps.) This didn’t stop Troutman from taking the money. She even worked hard to make herself indispensable–sending unnecessary letters to city commissions, seeking easements for alley access that are routinely granted. You have to imagine the FBI mole was having a hard time keeping a straight face, waiting for Alderman Troutman to recommend an ambidextrous net-waiver to comply with the Federal Hunnacunnapurna Decree.
Her lawyer should be good for laughs in this, too. He insists there is no case because a) the fake development wasn’t in Troutman’s ward, and b) the fake development was fake. If you offer a bribe for a fake development, then it ceases to be a bribe. Becomes reckless spending, I suppose, or an unforeseen cost overrun, which of course is the mole’s fault, not the alderman’s. And if you get caught in a prostitution sting, it wouldn’t really count since you propositioned a police woman and not a real prostitute, and you should have your money refunded (unless you really wanted to pay for sex with an officer, which is a whole nother thing).
Guesses on the next trail of defense arguments:
> The alderman took the money b/c she knew the mole was crooked, so she was attempting the ol’ Double-Back Sting Operation.
> She was hoping to expand her ward one rezoned plot at a time to expand opportunities for its residents “which is more than the mayor has ever done.”
> She wanted to see if the bills were counterfeit before she sent the mole over to the other alderman, so that THAT alderman could get well and truly busted.
> It was the NyQuil talkin’.
If I’m paying for this government, at least it should be entertaining once in a while.