Upgrading My Job Status

Every time a recession hits, the media are filled with stories about the “New Thrift.” How everyone’s trying to do with less. Around the holidays, the People On the Street say either that everyone on their list is going to get a homemade gift, or that family members are picking names from a hat, or that the interviewee is going to charge up everything on his plastic because what would Christmas be like without a blizzard of expensive presents to fill the aching void in everyone’s lives?

Why is thrift such a difficult concept for so many people? Money spent is, well, money spent. Gone from your pocket, and into the pocket of someone else, someone who is not you. Avoiding that scenario gives life its flavor. As the Americans in the “Greatest Generation” continue to die off, our nation will soon have no one who’ll say things like, “Well, wear it til it wears out” or “Fix that, don’t throw it away” or “Why would ANYONE ever need $300 shoes?” And that will be a dark day.

I’ve been a tightwad my entire adult life, and I’m happy with that. Proud, even. Overcoats from Goodwill, garage sale finds, store-brand cereal (except for Cheerios–every knock-off of Cheerios is pretty horrible, and look like little brown hockey pucks with holes punched in the middle). That’s all fine with me. Writers make lousy money, and the paydays are very inconsistent, so pinching pennies is just part of the job description. Besides, you need to save for things that shouldn’t be skimped on, like education, theater, and good scotch.

But now that everyone’s back in the thrift mode for the foreseeable future, I think I need to upgrade my status, just to stay a step ahead of the herd. Tightwad? Penny-pincher? Not enough. I’ve got my sights set on “Miser”. Literature has given misers a bad name. If Scrooge hadn’t been a miser for the first part of his life, would he have been able to be lavish with Cratchett and his family? I don’t see how, unless he’d charge everything to his American Express. And then he’d get into bad straits when the economy went south, default on his properties, and end up being a drain on the government. So his miserliness saved a lot of people from trouble. At least, that’s my take on it.

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