Winter Olympics 2018 — IN CHICAGO!

Pluses:

–Extremely flat surfaces for speed skating, hockey, figure skating, curling and broomball (exhibition sport, suggested by the Wisconsin delegates).

–Travel time between events won’t be exacerbated by twisty mountain roads.

–Like all his predecessors, the mayor will make damn sure the roads are plowed.

–Would force the county to fix up their toboggan runs.

–Shots from Pentathlon participants won’t bother jaded city dwellers.

–Rio is out of the running now.

Minuses:

–Relative lack of mountainous terrain will force most skiing events to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

–City will be flooded by visiting Minnesotans.

–Hearing all the commentators bitching about how cold it is, as well as telling the world that Chicagoans call the wintry north wind “The Hawk”.

–Locals will be distracted from watching Spring Training.

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