Trib Shows Admirable Restraint

It’s always fun to read the short, police blotter articles in the Trib, esp on Saturday and Monday. They give you a perspective on how bad your weekend could have gone, but for the grace of God.

And it also delivers little gems like this one.

A drunken driver crashed into the back of a Chicago police squad car early Thursday in the 100 block of North Kilbourn Avenue in the West Garfield Park neighborhood, police said….

About 12:30 a.m., the Harrison District officers were traveling north on Kilbourn when [the driver] rear-ended their squad car with his Oldsmobile…[The driver] then drove around the squad car and continued north, until slamming his Oldsmobile into a parked vehicle…

The name of the driver?

Cornelius Comic.

What do you think the Sun-Times or the NY Post would have done with that? “Comic Crashes in West Side Debut.” “Comic Arrested After Slamming Cops.” I’ll bet the booking cop had some fun with it too. Probably the kind of thing poor Cornelius has gotten all his life. No wonder he turned to drinking. If comedy is a way to purge your inner demons, what must it be like to have to purge your own last name?

2 Replies to “Trib Shows Admirable Restraint”

  1. Yeah, but the guy in the Chicago story was driving an Oldsmobile, which makes him an even bigger loser.

    But let’s be fair: If you were so drunk that you rear-ended a police car, you might be stupid enough to lead them on a high speed (albeit 50-ft) chase.

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