Some Mushy Spots in “Banana Shpeel”

Last night the family and I took in the new Cirque de Soleil show at the Chicago Theater, “Banana Shpeel.” I bought the tix months ago, on a whim, when I first heard about it. Worth a gamble, it seemed.

The verdict: Still worth a gamble.

A friend in town–a PR pro in the arts–said last week on Facebook that the show wasn’t worth going to, even if someone gave you the tix for free. This was a refreshing honesty about the source of ducats, I thought, but it aroused fear and dread about what I’d really see for my hard-earned dollars. (And this being Cirque de Soleil, you KNOW there’s a pile of dollars involved.)

All in all, the show was pretty good. Stupid in a lot of parts, but often the good kind of stupid. Some performers were great, but some were basically expendable. (The big story of the show is how it jettisoned a couple of characters last month because their parts were written out. Well, one player was given credit in the program for appearing as a Pierrot. There were even pictures of him, in his whiteface and baggy white pajamas, trying to get all zany with a butterfly net. A Pierrot in vaudeville? Now THERE’S a shoot that needed clipping a long time ago.) Unfortunately, the question that remained after seeing it was, what were they doing for so many months of rehearsal (and actually years of planning)?

It seems like the problem lies in the vaudeville format itself. A variety show strung together by a flimsy storyline–sounds familiar. Sounds doable. Sounds like a platform to take things to the next level, like the troupe says it intends to do in all its promos. To fault it for that seems churlish. But when intermission arrived after 60 minutes, a slight twinge of unsatisfaction arose in me. Not DISsatisfaction, which is a real word. UNsatisfaction. Like being promised a sandwich, and being served some turkey loaf on Pepperidge Farm bread.

Luckily, the second act was better than the first, with a couple of superb circus acts: A woman who juggled large fabrics on all of her limbs, and a gymnast who twisted and writhed around what looked like a simple lamppost. These were acts that brought wondrous smiles to a spectator’s face, and brought the show up a notch.

For all the people who are curious to see it because they have an abiding interest in vaudeville, clowning and variety acts of all kinds, I say go ahead and see it. The dancing and music was very good, the circus acts were great, and the clowns in general were very good. Could it gel more, or is it doomed to be three shows in one? Time will tell.

I haven’t seen a Cirque show in more than a decade. I remember seeing three in a row, starting with “Saltimbanco”, which blew me away. Then, like Mel Brooks movies, each new one was exactly half as entertaining as the preceding one. With all the smoke machines, annoying new-age music, and ponderous and pompous pacing, the whole thing became tedious. Kind of like Doug Henning once again telling his audience to believe in **wonder!**, the Cirque began to pale against real circus shows, where the players didn’t believe in their own artistic ambitions but just got on with the business of being showmen.

Make no mistake, the circus relies on ballyhoo and hokum, but those are distinct from bombast and hype.

I wish the company lots of luck with “Banana Shpeel.” It’s always good for clowning to have exposure in legit venues. In these tight economic times, however, audiences might start to grumble that they’re not getting their **Wonder Quotient**. It was like years ago, when I ushered at the Goodman Theater’s production of “The Comedy of Errors,” starring the zany jugglers The Flying Karamazov Brothers. One old lady at the matinee came up to me at intermission and angrily complained, “That’s nothing but vaudeville in there!” Hey, no one said it was anything but.

Me and the Berlin Wall

What an inspiring anniversary to celebrate this week. The crumbling of the Berlin Wall, the symbolic division between the vibrant, free West and the state-run, concrete-sculpted East. When the fall of the wall was covered on TV, my reaction was multifold:

1. They’re doing WHAT with sledgehammers? Yay!
2. Why is this happening now?
3. What in the world took so long?
4. Does this really mean the end of the Cold War, or will Germany be the sole beneficiary of this boldness?

And then the most important question of all:

5. How can I joke about it?

This month in 1989 was the third month I had been doing a weekly cabaret called “Theater of the Bizarre”, in the lower level of the Elbo Room (which somehow is still there at Lincoln and George, hosting musicians I’ll never learn about in my middle-aged life). The show needed a little time to find an identity, but Nick the owner was a very good guy, liked what we were doing and open to using the lower level of the restaurant in different ways. My friend Steve Ginensky had asked me to help him get this show going, the only time anyone had ever outright asked me to perform onstage. So, for that compliment, I was grateful.

“Theater of the Bizarre” was hosted by a black-clad Euro-trash art casualty named Armando von Shtuppenvald, accompanied on piano by his lacky Pepe. We smoked, wore berets and wrap-around sunglasses, had bored German accents — think of Mike Myers’ Dieter character, but actually funny. For a while Steve and I swapped these roles — usually during the show — by swapping Armando’s iconic chin beard. After a few months, though, the novelty of this wore thin, as did the amusement of me trying to play anything on piano. (My lousy piano-playing did, however, give us our theme music. Butcher the song “Konnen Sie Der Muffinmeister” well enough and it takes people a while to realize you’re singing “Do You Know The Muffin Man”.)

And with the fortuitous Fall of the Berlin Wall, we were propelled into a two-year run of the show.

The fall of the wall and the eventual collapse of the Soviet Union didn’t happen overnight, we sometimes forget. It took about 20 months for the latter to occur, and in that time, we were able to milk people’s attention to Germany for all it was worth.

One of my bits was a box of “Cut-out Dolls of the Communist Party”, a kit that allowed you to dress up Deng Xiao Peng as Jobba the Hut and Fidel Castro as a Cuban infielder and a big-band leader. For the president of East Germany (a position that went through a lot of occupants before disappearing completely), instead of changing clothes, I rotated the head, from Erik Honneker to whoever replaced him, to Werner Klemperer, to Arte Johnson in his “Verrrry interestink” outfit. In the picture below, you can see me with the cutouts, while Pepe reads from our book “Kafka fur Kinder.”

And when the rest of Europe began to fear the power of a unified Germany (yeah, it had been a rough century whenever Germany got rambunctious), Steve as Pepe penned one of our best song parodies, to the tune of “We Are The World”:

There comes a time, when you have to forge ahead,
Even though, you don’t know, what you’re doin’…
You’ve got Roseanne und E.T., Disneyland und MTV,
But WE’VE GOT FAHRFERGNUGEN!

We are the World! We are the Germans!
Our men are strong, our women look like Edgar Bergen!
Uber alles said and done, we just want to have some fun….

At which point, Armando would always interrupt from offstage and go into a tirade about his going off the leash, only to be soothed when Pepe began to tinkle “Alley Cat” on the keyboard. It was a grand good silly time, and during “Theater of the Bizarre” I made a lot of good friends. I also got the idea for “Politically Correct Bedtime Stories”, but we can’t blame the Germans for that.

So, you know, it’s great that 20 years ago, millions of people began to throw Communism and their oppressive leaders out the window. Kudos. But much more importantly, it gave us lots of topical material. For that, Steve and I will be forever grateful.

A Phillies Fan Takes One for the Team

Up today on Bardball:

The Ballad of Susan Finkelstein

The girl had “Phillie Fever,
A massive fall attack.
The only cure required her
To lay down on her back.

To nab a pair of tickets,
What must a clever girl do?
A “Dirty Utley”? “Around the Lidge”?
A “Hamels Camel” or two?

But the cops horned in, and now her pic’s
Been spread across the nation.
Next time, p’raps, she first should try
Some Manuel stimulation.

Daddy’s Job

Good joke sent by an old friend in an email yesterday:

Little David is in the 1st grade. Yesterday morning when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up; fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

The teacher noticed that little David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so she asked him about his father.

‘My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and do it with him for money.’

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to ask him,’Is that really true about your father?’

‘No,’ said David,’He plays for the Cubs, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.’

It’s funny cuz it’s true.

We Should All Get This, Every Morning

You know how the defense lawyer in “Miracle on 34th Street”, at the climax of the trial, brings in bag after bag of letters addressed to Santa to prove that he (Santa) exists? Now I know how it feels. It didn’t involve bags and bags, but the sentiment was there.

This morning in my email, from out of the blue, I received FIVE fan letters. That’s about ten months’ worth for me (except in January, when I get a few more, when the schoolkids down in Texas start figuring out what short story they want to read in their forensics competitions and they have to email me to verify that I’m an American citizen). Three were from the US, one from England, and one from South Korea, who especially said that “You really makes whomever sees you happy”. See? Walking down the STREET, people smile at me like I just tried a new shampoo! I’ve always suspected it, but now I know!

(The cynic in me tried to figure out why I got so many in one shot, like they were being hoarded on the web, or someone was pulling a practical joke. But they all look genuine to me, from five very different folks, and by gosh, I’ll take all the fans I can get.)

So, a big thank you to those fans! Your notes made a big impression on me, on this rainy morning in Chicago. I’ll respond right away.

And to anyone out there who feels like sending a fan letter to someone — a writer, an actor, a teacher, a scout leader, or a coach — send it off today. You never know, but it might make someone’s day.

Winter Olympics 2018 — IN CHICAGO!

Pluses:

–Extremely flat surfaces for speed skating, hockey, figure skating, curling and broomball (exhibition sport, suggested by the Wisconsin delegates).

–Travel time between events won’t be exacerbated by twisty mountain roads.

–Like all his predecessors, the mayor will make damn sure the roads are plowed.

–Would force the county to fix up their toboggan runs.

–Shots from Pentathlon participants won’t bother jaded city dwellers.

–Rio is out of the running now.

Minuses:

–Relative lack of mountainous terrain will force most skiing events to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

–City will be flooded by visiting Minnesotans.

–Hearing all the commentators bitching about how cold it is, as well as telling the world that Chicagoans call the wintry north wind “The Hawk”.

–Locals will be distracted from watching Spring Training.

“Daily Show” No Longer a Daily Requirement

The beginning of fall means getting back into certain routines around the homestead. Homework after school. Theater tickets. Public drinking. And more TV watching. After going cold turkey from TV for at least two months, the chance to catch up on old movies, “30 Rock” and The Simpsons is a vegetative delight.

But it also causes me to worry about “The Daily Show.” I thought the writing was getting a little weak in the spring. Jokes just didn’t have that certain “snap” they needed, and things didn’t build during their segments. “Colbert Report” has changed almost completely into a personality-driven show. I still love it, but don’t feel the need to catch it every single day. Now, I’m starting to think if I have to choose between the two, “Daily Show” might be more topical, but “Colbert” is always funnier.

Even the asides of wackiness are stronger on “Colbert”. Take last night, for instance. Colbert’s assertion that Kanye West was really out to pick a fight with him at the Video Music Awards? Weird, funny, psychologically dead-on.

Jon Stewart in a fat suit? Edging very close to Steve Allen.

I’d hate to think they can’t bring the show back to its former state, but maybe in our new era of earnestness, they’re feeling an urge to educate and not mock. Just because some flawed surveys say that young people get the majority of their news from “The Daily Show” doesn’t mean it should become the slacker version of “Grammar Rock.”

“Politically Correct Bedtime Stories” Onstage in Toronto Fringe Festival

Earlier this year, I received a request from a theater group in Ontario, the Pheasant Pluckers Mates, about adapting my PCBS stories for the stage. After a little paperwork, they went ahead with it, and I think it’s going to be a lot of fun. I read their treatment, and it was very funny.

Now there’s a set of photos on the web by one Jen Grantham, showing the members of the Pheasant Pluckers onstage, ready to assault their audiences’ funny bones. Again, it looks like a hoot, if you can judge these types of things from pictures.

The Pheasant Pluckers’ Mates will be performing their adaptation at the Toronto Fringe Festival from July 1 through July 11. Looks like there’s a performance just about every day, both early and late, to suit all schedules. If you’re in the area, please check them out. They’ve been top drawer with me, and I’m bettin’ the show will be a hoot.

What’s the Opposite of “Bushy Tailed”?

Today will not be a very productive day, on the writing front. One reason is that I only got about 4 hours sleep last night. There’s no good reason for the insomnia–it was a busy enough weekend with lots of physical exertion that I should’ve slept all night. But at 3AM, I woke up with a bunch of little details for the week in my head, not even pressing ones, and they managed to keep my head revving all night. This went on to a soundtrack of Yes’ “Close to the Edge”. These sleepless periods always come with a song that won’t stop looping, and when I’m lucky, it’s not a song I hate (when I’m not lucky, it could be anything from Sting to The Buggles, which Number One Son keeps talking about for some reason). In this as in so many ways, I hope I’m not turning into my mother, who hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in 30 years.

I also agreed to go downtown today to speak to a writing class at Columbia College about humor. I hope I can convince them that I know what I’m talking about, b/c I have a hard enough time with editors. My main goal will be to scare them into making hundreds of revisions–either scare them straight or scare them straight out of the profession. I wanted to be able to show them the first marked-up pages I ever wrote for Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, which some interviewers and critics said was such a slam dunk that anyone could’ve written it. Those slam-dunk pages, of course, were rewritten 20 times before publication. But unfortunately I can’t find those files anywhere. I have other examples to show, but I really wanted those first entries b/c they looked like redacted CIA documents. Just want to be able to beat it into their head to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. But I’ll probably be lucky to get them to turn off their Facebook pages.

Swine Flu: Deadly, and Politically Incorrect

We already know that the swine flu–RUN FOR THE HILLS!–has the potential to be a pandemic (just like Avian flu, Hong Kong flu, and Cindy Lu Flu before it). If that wasn’t bad enough, now we find out that it’s religiously offensive as well. From the AP:

Israeli official: Swine flu name offensive

JERUSALEM (AP) — The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed “Mexican” influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, said an Israeli health official Monday.

Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and “we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu,” he told a news conference at a hospital in central Israel.

Both Judaism and Islam consider pigs unclean and forbid the eating of pork products.

Scientists are unsure where the new swine flu virus originally emerged, though it was identifed first in the United States. They say there is nothing about the virus that makes it “Mexican” and worry such a label would be stigmatizing.

God’s Memo to the Detroit Tigers

For background on this issue, check out the Detroit Free Press:

For all the times you’ve prayed to me,
Beseeching for a victory–
“Let him strike out,” “We need this hit” –
And clogged my in-box with this stuff,

You choose to hold Opening Day—
Praise be to me—on Good Friday?
People, watch you don’t make me mad,
Or I’ll give the Tiges what the Lions had.

Poetry on Steroids

THE MUSE AND THE JUICE: An Ode to ‘Roids

Despite the pressures of my muse,
While writing this, I did not juice.
I might be subtler, more profound,
With cultured people’s praises crowned,
If performance enhancers I had downed.

Yet every morn I grab my pen.
I’m swinging for the fence again,
Honing mood and tone and meter,
Shunning erudite Velveeta,
While the gimlet-eyed all mutter, “Cheater.”

If offered Poet Growth Hormone,
Speaking for myself alone,
I’d shun sub-dermal shots in favor
Of a potion with robust flavor
Robert Burns was said to savor.

Boost the power of my thinkage?
Not when the tincture causes shrinkage
To my oeuvre. Tis too great a risk
I’ll be marooned on a copy desk,
My good name and my asterisk.

UPDATE: Please check the comments to this post for a poetical rebuttal from Jim U-Boat, The Poet Laureate of Calumet City, Illinois.